Mindful Communication in Difficult Moments

When feeling intense emotions, effective communication often becomes a daunting task. If the upset gets significant enough, we’ll very often end up in the conversation spiraling out of control or shutting down. How do we get ourselves out of these stuck places and orient to something better? There is a question we can ask ourselves to help.

Is the Conversation Productive or Causing Harm

There is an important difference between an emotional conversation and a destructive conversation. Expressing emotion is important in relationships, but it needs to be useful and not cause harm. When we’re feeling like we’re moving toward a more emotional state, we can ask ourselves, "Am I feeling more connected to myself or my partner, or do I feel clearer about the situation or our needs?" If the answer is no, it’s likely the conversation is causing harm and not productive.

The North Star of Connection and Clarity

When you’ve noticed that a conversation isn’t moving you toward greater connection or clarity, we can use those two concepts as beacons to inform our next steps. Perhaps it's a vulnerable share so our partner can feel more connected to us. Maybe we ask a genuine, clarifying question about how they are making sense of the situation. Maybe we try to say back to them what we think they mean. You don’t have to get it perfect, but you probably need to ground yourself and communicate with a desire to connect further instead of be right or end the conversation.

The Value in Challenging Moments

The next time you find yourself amid a difficult conversation, take a breath, and find a way to move forward purposefully. Challenging conversations, when navigated mindfully, are incredible opportunities to make your relationship better. Recognizing the value embedded in these difficult moments and using mindfulness to communicate in ways that create more connection and clarity transforms them from potential minefields into opportunities for growth and understanding.

Watch our YouTube short video on this topic here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJmSouSrd98